I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
