none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
