I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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