Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
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i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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