i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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