"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
