how can u be prego again
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Can I color on your dick again?
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
