I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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