:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
