I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
