God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
