she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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