Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
