Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
