All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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