Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
