i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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