Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
