yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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