FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
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Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
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