Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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