she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
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