There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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