my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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