Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
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