somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
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