Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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