So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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