this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize
