trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
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