Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
