i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Randomize
