At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Thank you for not boning my boss.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
