its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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