Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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