so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
