What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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