Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Drake has all the answers
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
