it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
