I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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