She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
