Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
