i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
