I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
