I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Swine flu. Run for my life!
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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