I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
