can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Randomize
