theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
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