i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.