The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Woman Using Lunch Break To Find Another Job Gets Hilariously Snitched On By The Local News
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
28 ‘Thanks For Coming To My Ted Talk Tweets’ Funnier And More Informative Than An Actual Ted Talk
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
