Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
