How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
High School Students Hilariously Rank Celebrities By Their Stank For Class Project
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
15 Things You Truly Understand If You Sleep Next To Someone Who Snores Like A Rhinoceros Every Night
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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