Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?