he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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