It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
