So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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