She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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