They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
