After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
