So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
