Quick, to the slutcave!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
