do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I'd cum for enchiladas.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Randomize
