I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
