She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
he thought i was a dude.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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