the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
