he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
