ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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