walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
smell my finger.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
