Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
