Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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