My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Randomize
