laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
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if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
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Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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