I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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