I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
