I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
