It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Randomize
