You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
