she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
