i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
