So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
